Soup du jour …

A couple of years ago I watched the late Robert Osborne interview the actress and singer Liza Minnelli on Turner Classic Movies. Liza’s parents, as many know, were Judy Garland and the director Vincent Minnelli. During the interview Liza was discussing her father’s skill as a director. She remembered a film he directed in 1960 called, “Home from the Hill.” It’s based on a novel by William Humphrey with the same name. The theme of the film is family and the film addresses the conflicts within a family named Hunnicutt. The cast included Robert Mitchum, Eleanor Parker, George Peppard and George Hamilton.

Liza shared how it struck her as fascinating how each actor prepared to act and learned their lines. George Peppard is a method actor. She said that her father, in his role as director, really had to work with Peppard.

George Hamilton was a new actor then. Liza said her father had to give him the line readings because that’s what he needed.

She described Robert Mitchum as the consummate actor. He needed no help. All Vincent Minnelli had to do was give Robert the staging and leave him alone.

Liza said that she saw her father work with the actors and give them each what they needed to give the best performance. Robert Osborne said that this was a part of the genius of Vincent Minnelli and Liza said it came down to the fact that he listened and paid attention.

All our lives we are taught “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” the Golden Rule. When you think about it, perhaps this rule doesn’t work as well as we would hope in dealing with people. In giving others what we, ourselves, want or need, there’s the potential for making the other person unhappy or frustrated. In fact, if Minnelli had told those three actors that he knew what was best for them and forced his will upon them, their performances in the film would have suffered. This is where many people fall short in leadership.

In all relationships, it’s imperative to understand what drives others and recognize their needs. Identifying their desires requires being observant, listening and caring enough to ask questions. We are often misguided in thinking that others want or require the same things we may need. It’s like loving tomato soup, but having a partner make chicken noodle soup as a gift for you every day because they love it. Many times in relationships people have good intentions and provide or give others what they would like or need themselves and it may not be what the other person wants or needs at all.

Those who have excellent relationship skills know that it’s best to “Do unto others as they’d like.” No one wants to be served the soup de jour or the special of the day when they really desire lobster bisque.

Pam Lowe is the editor of the Clay County Courier. She can be reached at pamlowe@claycountycourier.com