Forgiveness

Iwoke up a little later than usual Monday morning, but still early enough that I was surprised when I checked my phone and saw a new Facebook message.

As it turned out, the message was sent at 2:34 a.m. by a relative whom I hadn’t spoken to in years.

Without getting into specifics, the relative who sent the message is much younger than me, 29 now, I believe. He didn’t have the best childhood and he had some issues that made me worry about how he would fare as an adult.

I tried to take him under my wing and help give him a little direction in life. He was welcome in my home. I loaned him money on more than one occasion, sometimes when I didn’t really have it to spare. He didn’t finish school, and I was afraid that would create even more of a challenge for him. I encouraged him to pursue a GED and even volunteered to drive him to classes to prepare for the test. He wasn’t interested. In fact, he was downright belligerent the last few times I spoke with him.

Gradually, we communicated less and less until finally we didn’t communicate anymore at all. He spoke to others about me, though, in a disrespectful fashion.

Given all that, to say I was surprised to hear from him through that early-morning message would be an understatement. He’s an adult now, with a beautiful young daughter and another baby on the way. I know this through mutual friends on social media, and I’m happy for him, although I suspect he may still have his struggles. Then again, don’t we all?

“I wanted to apologize for doing you wrong and for everything I said or did that may have hurt or offended you,” the young man’s message said. “I was a dumb kid basically and at the time didn’t realize everything you did for me and for that I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me. I love you and I hope you’re doing well.”

As I said, I suspect this young man still has his struggles. But it takes a good deal of maturity to reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in years and apologize. It takes honesty and courage.

I could have ignored it. I could have remembered the things that were said about me. I could have remembered the $40 he still owes me. I could have held a grudge — and believe me when I tell you, I’m pretty good at holding a grudge.

But what good would any of that have done? Here, I had an opportunity to reconnect with someone who carries the same blood as I do, someone who had the courage and the honesty and the maturity to try and correct a past mistake. That’s not the kind of opportunity most of us get very often, and I wasn’t about to let it go.

“Hey thanks for reaching out,” I replied. “I appreciate you doing that and all is forgiven. We all make mistakes sometimes. I’m doing great. Congratulations on the babies! (The oldest) is beautiful. I love you too.”

Twenty years ago, 10 years ago, maybe even five years ago, my response might have been very different.

Maybe it’s not just young men who can grow and mature.