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Samantha Jones

Sam's Notebook

Samantha Jones is associate editor for Carroll County Newspapers. Her email address is Citizen.Editor.Eureka@gmail.com.

Opinion

Welcome back, Fall

Friday, October 18, 2019

To be honest, we were starting to doubt you. You’ve arrived fashionably late before, but this year it began to border on a faux pas. You know we love you and mean all this in love. At least I hope you do. Welcome to your intervention, Fall.

Let’s just cut to the chase. Many of us spent the first of October literally sweating it out –– waiting and wondering if you would ever make that appearance promised to us every year. We were running the air conditioner until last week. A local family of four carved pumpkins on the porch wearing shorts and tank tops. Shorts and tank tops! Don’t you see how inconsiderate you have been?

OK, OK. Shake your head at me. Pretend it’s normal to wait until the middle of October to burst through the door acting all casual without a gift for the host. It’s not like we were planning this party a year in advance. We definitely weren’t waiting impatiently, slowly removing layers of clothing to avoid heat exhaustion. No, no, no. Take your time, Fall.

And even though we love your famous apple cider, it’s fine that you forgot to bring it this year. Don’t even bother stopping by the store for some pumpkin-shaped cookies or Swiss Miss hot cocoa packets. Who needs to bring an item to a potluck dinner party anyway? Go ahead and come empty-handed. We’re used to it by now. Really, it’s fine!

What was that? You have the audacity to ask how we’ve been doing? It should be painfully obvious, but I’ll take the bait. We have been trudging through yet another grueling summer, telling ourselves it will be all right if we just keep going. We have been longingly staring at sweaters and scarves. We have been keeping the faith in 90-degree weather.

“Don’t worry,” I heard a mother comforting her small child near the end of September. “Fall will be here soon. Just be patient. Patience is a virtue.”

Well, you know what’s also a virtue? Punctuality! If I can make it to nightly meetings on time without fail, you should find a way to make yourself known by the beginning of October. Nobody’s even asking for a cool September. We love you, Fall, and are happy to compromise. September is not a good time for you to come to the party. It happens. Do you know what also happens when you prolong your arrival?

We all get hot and mad and tan. I’m not sure we can forgive you for the tan. I mean, it’s October. We’re supposed to resemble your old friend Casper, but it’s hard to do that when you can sunbathe well past sunbathing season. Think of all the goths out there with their pale white faces and sun-kissed forearms. Think about what you’ve done to them, Fall!

We are disappointed in you but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. You can come back from this. We believe in you. So brush yourself off, paint some leaves orange, light up a few bonfires and keep the temps below 60 degrees at all times. You’ve got this, Fall!

We truly believe you are more than your mistakes –– so don’t let it happen again, OK? OK?!