Super Bowl predictions

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

This Sunday is the biggest day of the year, with the Philadelphia Eagles and New England Patriots duking it out at the Super Bowl. Iíll be spending this landmark night with friends who know a thing or two about the old pigskin. Thatís great, because Iím a huge fan of Super Bowl parties.

But first things first. A quick Google search tells me the Super Bowl is the championship game of the National Football League. Iím going to assume that means these two teams are somewhat good at throwing a ball around and getting a touchdown, whatever that means. Itís when you run the ball from one end of the court to the other without falling down, right? Well, I predict the Philadelphia Eagles will win the game, because eagles can fly and I imagine itís pretty easy to get a touchdown when you can fly across the court. Honestly Iím not sure how thereís any competition here. It seems pretty rigged, if you ask me.

Truthfully, that doesnít bother me very much. Iím not going to the party to see a bunch of dudes in tight pants fight each other for a ball thatís not even the most aesthetically-pleasing sports ball. Tennis balls are much cuter. Iíll fight you on that. The reason Iíll be showing up on Sunday night is to see if my other, much more important, predictions come true. Here they are:

1. An overrated pop star will perform during the halftime show and everyone will clap as if it wasnít pretty mediocre. The next day, the press will either praise or criticize the show instead of admitting it was the same boring song and dance it always is. My research says Justin Timberlake is performing this year, so the prediction stands. On an unrelated note, how is Justin Timberlake still relevant?

2. Iíll eat a lot of chili and sweets, which is basically all youíre supposed to eat during the Super Bowl. Some people throw pizza or wings in there, but Iím a staunch supporter of chili. Iím guessing Iíll down two and a half bowls of chili, because it doesnít count if itís only half. Iíll probably have a soda and some cheesecake, too. No, two slices of cheesecake. You know what? Iíll compromise. Two and a half.

3. Our friend Ty will really enjoy the worst Super Bowl commercial. If thereís a talking baby or a talking animal or an attractive woman holding a Pepsi, Ty will be all over it. Heíll probably tell us about how itís really funny and we have to laugh because heís laughing. We wonít laugh. You donít get any of our laughter, Ty.

4. Someone will spill chili on their shirt and weíll all mock them as the Eagles soar across the field, ball in hand, ready to win their 20th consecutive Super Bowl.

Iím not the biggest sports fan, but Iím definitely looking forward to seeing how my predictions pan out. If everything happens the way I say it will, I might look into attending more sports parties. Do they have a Super Bowl for bumper cars? Iíd definitely go to that party. In the meantime, I leave you with this: Go Eagles!

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Samantha Jones is associate editor for Carroll County Newspapers. Her email address is Citizen.Editor.Eureka@gmail.com