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Cheri Yarborough

Ask Dr. Cheri

Cheri Yarborough has a PhD in Psychology and worked for 14 years on a social services helpline in Milwaukee, Wis., and for 13 years as a trauma counselor. Readers may either e-mail her questions directly (cyarborough@earthlink.net) or send a letter to her c/o CCN, PO Box 232, Berryville AR 72616. Readers are encouraged to send questions on any subject from relationship problems to how to get along in the world. Letters will not be answered directly; instead, several will be chosen for this column, and they will be answered within the CCN pages in that manner. Letter-writers will not be identified by their real name.

What to do when your spouse finds an old flame on Facebook

Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Cheri Yarborough

Dear Dr. Cheri,

My husband recently connected with an old girlfriend on Facebook. He's told me all about her and it seems innocent enough, but when I logged into his account, I read that she had informed him that she was now divorced. Should I be worried about this new interest?

-- Wondering

Dear Wondering,

We're all curious about what ever happened to people in our lives that we've lost contact with over the years. As long as he continues to be open and above board with you, I see no reason to worry. If he changes his password or starts to become defensive when her name is brought up, then you might need to voice some concern (just don't bring her name up too often).

If he wants to meet with her, you might want to be with him (especially if she lives nearby.)

Sometimes fantasies in our heads can take over the reality of the moment. This can be true for all parties concerned. A good discussion between you and your husband about your future together can put away idle fantasies on both your parts. Admit that you feel a bit threatened by his interest in his old flame.

If he wants to meet with her alone for coffee or lunch, have a conversation afterward.

The strength of a marriage is often measured on how trusting we can be with our partner and how open the communication is.

-- Dr. Cheri

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Cheri Yarborough has a PhD in psychology and worked for 14 years on a social services helpline in Milwaukee, Wis., and for 13 years as a trauma counselor. Readers may either email her questions directly (cyarborough@earthlink.net) or send a letter to her c/o CCN, PO Box 232, Berryville, AR 72616. Readers are encouraged to send questions on any subject from relationship problems to how to get along in the world. Letters will not be answered directly; instead, several will be chosen for this column, and they will be answered within the CCN pages in that manner. Letter-writers will not be identified by their real names.